We just completed a major upgrade to our network server.
Completed as in your loan approval is completed except for these 43 stips; upgrade; as in 3 years this will work much better than what you're using now; network, as in that virtual binary ether of bits, bytes and bps that revolutionized the way we communicate with each other, if only we talked with each other; server, as in the human's role when interacting with technology platforms.
We upgraded to Small Business Server 2003. I figure whoever owns the company after I die can give serious thought as to whether the 2007 version is stable enough yet. I am not Ahead of the Curve when it comes to operating systems.
Tracy, a long time friend and gifted systems putter togetherer extraordinaire - what do they call guys like him, anyway? - drove all the way down from Detroit. Tracy is a rare computer guy who is comfortable with himself about what he doesn't know. It makes a difference in implementing technology, because he thoroughly researches everything he tries.
Joining the quest was Jack; our full time data base administrator and trusty level one technical support deity. Jack was born with not one, but two patience chromosomes; an essential genetic characteristic when dealing with computers, waiting in queue for tech support, or interacting with local government officials. This chromosome is sadly missing from my own DNA.
Together, we engaged in a life or death struggle with the evil empire that is Microsoft's® full time technical writing nation.
Technical writers, as in squirrels that place tiny acorns of mission critical information in hidden directories on the ‘C' drive labeled "things we didn't tell you because we take perverted pleasure in imagining what you'll do while trying to figure this out."
Appropriate, I suppose, since October is "squirrel awareness month."
btw - Word 2007®, presumably written by these folks, just alerted me that Microsoft® is not in the program dictionary . . . Hmmmm? In case you're wondering, I just checked, and Google® is in the dictionary. That's just too funny!
The quest started out rocky when UPS air dropped the server that we'd shipped to Tracy so he could start the configuration. Tracy found some replacement parts for the fatally wounded machine on EBay®.
EBay®, as in where mostly you bid online for either 1:) things to give your girlfriend, hoping she'll believe that you paid retail or 2:) golf clubs.
Tracy and the server arrived Saturday afternoon and we (as in he) got started. The server booted up. The firewalls booted up. The auxiliary disc array booted up. We didn't break the Internet. We oozed confidence. We called it a night feeling satisfied.
Early Sunday morning, joined by Jack, we were back at it. It didn't start well. The firewalls that worked last night, took Sunday off.
Firewalls, as in a part of a network security scheme that by default assumes you want absolutely no contact with the civilized universe.
Tracy spent about four hours Googling (not in the Word® 2007 dictionary, btw), configuring, testing and even guessing a little to figure out why. Turns out Tracy just made the amateur mistake of following the Installation Sorcerer's instructions to the letter.
Installation Sorcerer, as in a program wizard that assumes that you'd already done a dozen other steps it never told you about when trying to cast the correct spell to activate the equipment. (see squirrels, above)
Eventually, he got the firewalls to at least let the email message through while keeping the attachments for their own evil purposes. Hmm . . . closings will be shorter.
Next we started migrating data over to the new server and configuring the workstations.
Configuration, as in following the Installation Sorcerer's instructions. Fail. Go back and do something else. Follow the Sorcerer's instructions. Fail again. Go back and do two others things it didn't tell you. Follow the Sorcerer's instructions. Fail again. Repeat process until thoroughly pissed.
Eventually we got the workstations configured. We check and not all the data migrated. Some of it is lollygagging around on the old server, laughing and giving us the raspberries. Trying not to let our feelings be hurt, we persevere. It is now about 10:00 p.m. I am falling asleep in my chair. Jack is drooping. Tracy, who is allergic to sunlight, is just cranking up. Eventually, good things start to happen. Server is working. Workstations are working. Printers are working. We think we got it licked. We go home. It's 1:00 a.m.
We spent most of Monday pushing string uphill, but by the time Tracy leaves at 5:00 p.m. everything is under control. Jack and I spend the better part of the week dealing with remaining little issues.
Little issues, as in things the computer is doing you've never seen happen before and have no clue why.
It's now Friday evening. I am exhausted. But for the most part everything is working and working well. Until the next time we upgrade our server and network. After I've retired.
Did I mention that October is Sarcasm Awareness Month?
